Grandparents

So in the past few months, my grandparents on my moms side have not been doing well. My grandmother became ill fist, but its arguable she's been ill for a while. She has never been a pleasant person (in my lifetime, if she was it was before my memory), but it got much worse. Due to strokes she has had (in all honesty I don't remember when, just that they occurred), she developed Dementia. She forgets when and where she is, and at times forgets who her own family is. It's a harsh feeling, knowing that my own grandmother doesn't think I exist or remember my name at times, but I try not to take it personally. It's not on purpose, and I have an odd feeling she would feel truly bad if she knew that she forgets. She would never admit it or apologize though. Its a strange feeling, being hurt by a women who I have not thought highly of my whole life. It's strange wanting her to remember me when most of my life I would have considered it a blessing to be ignored. It's hard realizing that I really love my grandmother and that I'll be sad when she dies. I'm still not sure how to deal with that. Which sounds harsh and callous, but I do not feel like going into why this is a new feeling. nearly 20 years of history cannot be conveyed properly in one blog.

My grandfather is also not doing well. Lately he's been getting better, but there was a time when we didn't think he'd be around much longer. His heart had been having difficulties. That was the hardest part. My grandfather and I aren't close in the sense that he lives a block down and I spend all my free time with him, but I like to consider him close. He knows about most of my life and he comments. He and I have our traditions and memories and I don't know what I'd do without him. Someday I'll have to figure that out, but it can't happen for many many years. I wouldn't be able to handle losing him now, and neither would my mom. My mom and my grandfather are incredibly close. I hope that my dad and I are like that. They get each other and my grandfather acts differently with her. It's very touching.

I just needed to write about this somewhere. This is a good a place as any.