its been a while

so grades are in. and i didnt get the grades i wanted or needed. which im very disappointed in myself for. this means a great many things. first, my parents will be making me move home. which i do not think is the right decision. at home, i cant focus on anything because as much as i love my family, we are very distracting. its nearly impossible to get an hour with no interruptions, let alone multiple hours so that I can do proper studying. on top of that, my uncle and soon grandfather live with us. meaning MORE hustle and bustle. combine that with all the schedules and getting me back and forth for classes and study groups and late nights in the shop and shows and work, im going to have barely enough time to get all my work done, let alone adding in travel time. living in the dorms, i can lock myself in my room and refuse to answer the door or the phone. i cant do that here. and i cant insist the entire house be silent for me for hours a day. and my uncle, mom, and grandfather dont work. so the house wont be empty. ever. i get stressed at home as well. i feel like im always being watched and judged, and no one ever really lets me just BE. i need that. i need to find a way to recreate the methods i used in the classes i did well in. and those classes were the ones that involved me talking to classmates over tea at midnight in the lobby of my dorm. the classes i scored highest in were the ones i used unconventional study methods for. and they WORKED. how can i do that with a house quite hour starting at 9? i can do better next semester. i will do better. but not if im forced to come and live with my family. i will go insane.

another reason im dissappointed in myself was i expected higher grades for the effort i put in. i worked like a dog most weekends. id go do something for a few hours, but i spent most of my weekends and nights doing homework. id spend hours in the library after work getting readings done, doing extra readings to supplement what i knew or needed to understand better. i worked my ass off. so why did i still get shitty grades? im not surprised if my parents are angry. i would be. but as student who earned them, i worked harder than my GPA shows.


in other news

ive been dating this guy named patrick for a little while. a month a half actually. its going really well. but i wont jinx it.

broke my wrist a month ago. i hate this stupid fucking cast. my arm hurts so much all the time. if its not from the break, than its from using my arm wrong so i can still use it. like now my shoulder hurts from the odd angle i have to hold my shoulder at to type so my thumb doesnt get in the way (its wrapped in plaster and has a habit of hitting buttons and making things happen that i didnt know COULD happen). owwww. and im almost out of my pain killers...

well ill write more later when my arm isnt hurting. maybe ill tell more about the guy tomorrow?

and i swear, someday ill find a theme for this blasted blog