good person= losing keys. this does not add up correctly...

So today was Halloween. and i was so excited. i got all dressed up and went to a few parties. had very little fun. ended up babysitting drunks all night. so the end of the night comes and me and the only other sober person there go to start taking people to their rooms when i realize my phone and keys/ID are gone. panic. so me and the other guy start to retrace out steps and we eventually found my phone. YAY! we walked the ENTIRE path from the last moment i had my keys to when i realized they were gone. no keys OR ID. lucky my dorm key and student ID were the only things in my red change purse, but I love that change purse and its a $60 charge for new keys and ID. $60 that i dont have. yay. so i take care of my friends and do the right thing by making sure they are ok, have a not so fun night so that my friends could have a great one, and what do i get? lost keys. thanks to the other sober guy (who was great and really helpful), i'm back in my room. so i have to pay him back because he paid for me to sleep in my own room tonight. first i have to find him tho...

And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me

So another fish died. maybe i should have titled this "Another one Bites the Dust"?

his name was Manos and he was a good little fishy. and im very upset by his passing. i took good care of him. but the thing that makes this weird is that i had 2. i originally got regular size goldfish, Remy and Rogue. Remy died a week later, so Scott took me to walmart and we got me another one. Scott got to name him, and he named him Manos. obviously this fish was a boy. that was .... 3 or 4 weeks ago. and rogue is still alive! and before that, my MALE gecko died. i think im killing my male pets :(. good thing my dogs are both girls...

We've gone and made such fools of ourselves

So apparently I have 3 majors. which is kind of news to me! History, Politics, and Technology and Design. I don't think I'll drop any of them yet. I'm still really interested in all of them. But I don't know what I want to do with my life yet. and that makes me nervous. in 5 months I'll be 20 years old. it's kind of daunting. I won't be a teenager anymore.

so in other news... scott and I are friend. And its really great because he's a good guy and I didn't want to lose that friendship. So we hang out and just talk and he helps me figure out what to download for drivers etc.

got a haircut, and new clothes and now i look awesome. lol its such a confidence boost knowing im trimmer and healthier! i cant wait til my cousin's wedding when I get to wear my new red dress. i love it!

"life is like a box of chocolates"

Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is like a dryer. its gonna spin you til everything is gone from you and than its gonna keep going until your beaten up so badly you dont know what to do. eventually someone will make it better. but they have to pull you out first and care for you, but eventually you'll get thrown right back in.

another past entry

wow a lot to write. so i've been single a little over a week. and im good. its harder at times than others, but im fine. went out tonight. danced with a guy and had a wonderful time with my best friend here. being single is not horrible.

school is going well. not quite as wonderful as i had hoped, but my classes are really hard. so ill be spending much more time in the library with my homework and books. o joy joy. this will be fun. but on the upside my friend is teaching me spanish and im teaching myself french. so im gonna be trilingual (with any luck) soon. and by that i mean ill be barely competant haha.

something ive learned: i always thought drinking was horrible and why would you want to do that and yadda yadda. but i have drank recently and its not bad. when you get people who cant control themselves and dont know their limit or drink to be drunk, than its bad. but drinking in and of itself is not a bad thing in my mind. im careful about what i drink and who im with. and i know my limits so i know that that last shot would be too much so i should stick with my beer. mixing = not good. just a discovery i have made. i now feel really bad for last semester when id get mad at my friends about it :( .

so i realized tonight completely out of the blue something truly scary. have you ever had one of those relationships where even after is over you think about the person? im not talking every day i cant live without you thoughts. just wondering how they are and hoping they are happy. well id never really had an ex like that. until now. i was looking through old photos when i came across an exboyfriend. its not like he'll ever read this, but i try not to do names in here. started thinking about him and at first i thought i was missing him. and than i realized i dont think i miss him. i miss what we had (when things were going well) because he was a great guy. we werent good together, but as a person he was truly a good man. he's going to make some girl very happy and im glad.

i hated it at the time, because we were always up and down and round and round. things were amazing or horrible. and i couldnt figure out why this was happening!? but now i see i needed that. because at our greatest points he made me so happy, but i needed to see that other side as well to know every guy has his flaws. and if you love someone than the flaws arent going to drive you away. they dont even have to be flaws with the person, just flaws in the relationship or imperfections on how you get along or agree. it was an important lesson

anyway, i just thought it was interesting that i thought of him. because i thought i hated him a while ago. things ended when we both knew it was coming, but i didnt want it to. i loved him. ok ranting about ex boyfriends.... never a good sign haha. anyway. ill sign off now. i have a work call and a haircut early tomorrow. yay!

ex- i hope you are well and happy
world- goodnight
mom- the cookies are delicious, thank you!

The past is gone It goes by, like dusk to dawn

sometimes things happen in life, and we don't get to know why. that pencil you put in your bag is gone when it comes time for the test, friendships fall apart, people we care about leave because they don't care as much as you do. we can't explain it, yet its the truth of the world. we just need to accept it and move on. holding onto whats past does not make for a happier future, just a bleaker tomorrow

Stupidity reigns supreme?

Humanity amazes me off sometimes. At times, there are acts that are just so good and giving or just sweet that I’m brought to tears. People giving up their lives to save others, or a family fulfilling their sons dream, even when he isn’t there to see it. Communities pulling together to take care of a member who faces tragedy, or the work churches and schools do. But for every white there is a black.

The past few days I’ve seen one of my favorite phrases (Boredom reigns supreme) changed. Stupidity reigns supreme is the theme for this week. And a true week even, because it started on Sunday! Sunday night, I received text messages from a girl I have multiple classes with. The next morning we had a test that we’d known about for months. Throughout the semester, we read articles that we either online, or available to purchase. Either way, they were easily accessible. The text messages, which I got at 8:30 at night, were saying how she couldn’t get them online because our professor had taken them off the website Blackboard (I went and checked. The teacher had not done this) and she needed to study. When told her I was sorry for her predicament, she asked what I was doing. When I told her I was studying she asked to join. Last time I tried to study with her, she didn’t shut up and it took way to long and I did badly on the assignment. So I politely declined and said I’d study better alone. She then demands that I have to bring my stuff down to her when I’m done so she could study for our test. Long story short, I did not give her my study stuff, because I was *gasp shock and amazement* using them until very late and was way too tired to take them to her than wait to get them back so I could study again when I got up early in the morning (which I didn’t get up super early, but still earlier). The next morning I go in and take my test, and I think I did very well. We ended at the same time and as we’re walking out, I say hi. Not out of pure desire to say hi, just to recognize and to keep things pleasant between us (I have 3 classes with her, I’d rather not have an enemy if I can reasonably avoid it. But I don’t want to be best buddies either). She glares at me, asks me what I want in a very harsh tone, shoves her music in her ears and stomps (literally stomps) away.

So my reaction is to laugh. Because honestly? She’s mad at me because I didn’t bring her my stuff and enable her laziness. I never agreed to take her my stuff. I said if I remembered, was awake, and wasn’t using them the next morning I might. So she was mad at me for not being responsible for her getting a good grade. And she’s glared at me ever since.

I’ve had other interactions with people to encourage this stupidity claims, but I must cease for the moment. Maybe more later.

I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be

i i practically grew up on a college campus. id walk through the cafeteria or the little coffee shops and see all this girls looking really cute and smart and doing homework with friends over coffee or something. and id wish to be them because they just looked so at ease and confident and happy. but i thought id never be able to do that, it just seemed so out of reach.

well years later, I'm in college. im in a coffee shop with my computer, rewriting a paper on political obligations with one of my best friends here across the table from me, both of us joking how we cant focus on homework, tho we really should. hair in a a pony tail because it was in my face. my boyfriend's plaid hoodie keeping me warm. worn sneakers and books with smart looking titles stacked next to me and a notebook open filled with notes about politics, obligation and philosophical anarchism. gummy worms in my lap, keeping me mildly entertained. and i look over and theres a little girl with her parents (who are professors by the looks of it, both grading papers) reading her book and looking around at the people around her with a look of curious longing. and i realized; i am exactly who i wanted to be.

changing colleges was going to be end of the world, or so i thought. turns out .... it was just the beginning. and i've never been happier

Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me you're gonna be

So I've been thinking a lot lately about the importance of family. And it's struck me how ridiculous it is that I fight with my family as much as I do. i guess its something we all do, but I hate it. family is the one group of people who will be there for you when no one else is, and mine have proven that time and time again. I know no matter what happens they will always be there.

All in all you're just another brick in the wall

so there's a certain level of bullshit i can handle. my concepts in politics class maxed it out today. normally when this class sets me in a bad mood, its because i am angry with the moronic attitudes (which in reality is just their differing opinions) of my fellow classmates and my professor's arrogant behavior. today was special tho. today was about 99.9% anger towards the professor and my realization that I'm done playing her games.
our class focuses on taking issues discussed in the classroom setting and a applying them to real world situations, including current events. Today's issue, and the following few classes, is power. i never realized how much she abuses hers in class. she calls on students (usually) in the order they raise their hands. if a student has spoken a lot, she'll defer and wait. well, a bunch of students (myself included) are in the habit of speaking a few times per class, because we read and have contributions. so if someone who doesnt speak often raises their hand they go first. understandable and i completely support that. what pissed me off was when I had a comment that related to the topic and waited with my hand raised in the air for 20 minutes before finally giving up. the problem I have is I sit directly in her line of sight. she looked at my multiple times, there were periods when no other hands were up and she was asking for input. she called on other students 3 and 4 times in the span i waited to have my thought acknowledged once. and when she finally decided to call on me (even though my hand was down), i propose my comment (we were discussing school systems and I wanted to introduce my thought that school systems differ depending where you are, as well as another vaid point that has since escaped my thoughts) and she interupts me mid-word to tell me I'm wrong and allow another student (who had said the same argument nearly verbatim 4x previously) to repeat something she had said. professor says she'd like me to finish so that she can help me understand why I was wrong when I point out that I hadn't finished my comment and had been cut off. she allowed me to finish my comment and when I asked if I had it correct in the full version of my comment, she muttered yes but refused to acknowledge she had cut me off. i refuse to comment in that class anymore. this professor has on multiple occasions done this type of behavior and refuses to accept that her opinions may not be universal, that other people may disagree, and that she cannot make idiots of students without being able to accept she misunderstood and behaved inappropriately.

same class: we have a few international students who delight in pointing out we as a class think very western-like. which i have a very hard time pointing out "you are in America. we ARE the western world, and most of us havent lived in any other country to think that way. you admit you came here to recieve a WESTERN education. what the fuck were you expecting?"

all I have is me and its all that I can give

not much to report. just a band some people might enjoy. it's called The Rocket Summer. he writes the music and plays all the instruments. he has to hire people to play in videos and concerts, and the music is really good. love it. thanks goes to Scott for introducing me to them. Thanks hun :D

howling wolf

So I bought something a little strange for me today. Today I purchased a garden statue. why is this strange? I have no garden, and I usually find gardens with statues in them to be too busy. very rarely do I see a garden decorated with cute figures that I find pleasing. benches, little gazeboes (if done well) can look really nice. but not-to-scale creatures with unrealistic expressions on their faces in colors that are just not normal or behaving in ways that make me turn my head? not cute.

but for some reason this one just got me. I was at work (I work at Lowe's as a customer service associate. glorified cashier pretty much) taking trash back and forth past plumbing and garden center when I passed the clearance rack. i always browse through, because sometimes you get great stuff for real cheap. and there was a statue my mom had wanted, but didnt feel she could buy. So I was going to buy it for her, but the last one was in clearance. sadly it was gone. but there sat this statue. large and a little awkwardly scaled, but it caught my eye none the less. and to me it was just beautiful. a pillar colored to look like red stone, carved with what are supposed to be American Indian tribal signs (tho I can't tell you what they mean, if they are real, or which tribe they belong to). And atop the whole thing sits a lone wolf, eyes closed, head thrown back, mid-howl. the mouth is too wide tho, so it looks more as if the wolf is screaming.

not a happy statue at all. and yet for some reaon I fell in love with it. checking the price, it was a tad expensive ($27.00, originally $50), but with my employee discount, it turned into a $25 deal. so here it sits, with no real place in my physical life yet. but the wolf screams at the end of my bed, near the door to my small dorm room, and the beautify of it just makes me feel happy.

overall, a worthwhile purchase. now I must name him. he is my roomate afterall now.

a million people may call the mountains a fiction, yet it need not trouble you as you stand atop them

before I get started: A webcomic I was introduced to that is truly funny. I really love this and for the most part the readerd doesn't need to understand anything specifically (such as javascript, a videogame, etc) to find the strips entertaining. XKCD

so sorry its been forever. I'll try to be better. I decided instead of venting to people, I shall vent here. Good plan? I agree. For me there isn't much new. To those who don't see me day-to-day, there's a tad bit more. new major (technology and design, which is basically the techy work for theatrical work), new boy (his name is scott and he's a sweetheart. i dont know how i got this damn lucky, but im not complaining! lol), new friends (YAY TRANSFERS!).

so I don't have any witty things to say. no deep inspirational thoughts to give out like free candy. i just have my funny stories and strange self.

so my most recent project has been to make sure im keeping in contact with people who matter to me. whether i want to be lifelong friends or not, i havent thought that far ahead. but people who made an impact on my life, or who I genuinly like talking to with no endgame in mind; ive been emailing them or facebook messaging them. and a lot of them are responding. I just feel that if I'm ok with my life right now (which is an understatement :D) than now would be a good time to talk to them. because I'm not looking for something specific, I'm just looking to reconnect.