Dear Friend,
I have purple hair. I thought I'd let you know. It took a few tries, but I wanted this pretty badly. My friend Emily helped me so much. First moving into my dorm, which is kick-ass, than with me hair. We've been hanging out a lot lately, its pretty nice. we are watching kid movies and its awesome.
just updating. ill do more later
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
cracking open wider
just like everyone, there are a million parts of me. a million things that make me who I am. things I want, things im scared of, things I don't know if i should have, etc. ive made a list of ends i've come to.
1) im gonna have an exotic pet of some kind. maybe itll be a strange fish or maybe a monkey, but it will happen.
2) when i have kids, one will be adopted and one will be the natural way. thats gonna hurt...
3) i dont like the number 9. i dont know why. i just dont. i dont want to use it anymore.
4) i'm going to graduate college with higer than a 3.0 GPA. future self, get ready.
5) i will get a tattoo. they are beautiful if they have meaning and every tattoo i've ever wanted has had some deep meaning.
6) i will have purple hair. bright purple. soon though, so that it doesnt interfere with getting job post college
7) ill lose weight. i dont want to look back in 30 years and regret how i looked. I don't think i'm fat, but im not healthy either
8) im going to get more organized.
10) i'm going to continue making my own jewelry
11) i'll continue singing.
ive given up on extra piercings, skydiving, dropping out of college, being a hippy, or ever joining an organized religion. getting over my biggest fears are also not going to happen.
1) im gonna have an exotic pet of some kind. maybe itll be a strange fish or maybe a monkey, but it will happen.
2) when i have kids, one will be adopted and one will be the natural way. thats gonna hurt...
3) i dont like the number 9. i dont know why. i just dont. i dont want to use it anymore.
4) i'm going to graduate college with higer than a 3.0 GPA. future self, get ready.
5) i will get a tattoo. they are beautiful if they have meaning and every tattoo i've ever wanted has had some deep meaning.
6) i will have purple hair. bright purple. soon though, so that it doesnt interfere with getting job post college
7) ill lose weight. i dont want to look back in 30 years and regret how i looked. I don't think i'm fat, but im not healthy either
8) im going to get more organized.
10) i'm going to continue making my own jewelry
11) i'll continue singing.
ive given up on extra piercings, skydiving, dropping out of college, being a hippy, or ever joining an organized religion. getting over my biggest fears are also not going to happen.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Don't write me off just yet
I'm a senior in college. I talked to my adviser and she confirmed. I could graduate this year. I'm not going to though. I want to study abroad. and I'm not ready for the "real" world yet. I've still got some growing up to do. I still have a lot to see and learn and do before I'm ready. And maybe this time next year I'll be pulling my hear screaming in frustration, but I guess I could graduate in December if if bothered me so much that I can't wait. But I want the May graduation with my friends. So I'm waiting.
Patrick and I are still together. Happier than ever. I'm going to Chicago in 18 days to see him. I'll spend 6 days there before I have to come back home. It's going to be amazing. Tomorrow is 7 months together. Feels like so much longer and yet no time at all.
I'm still at Lowe's. It's been over a year (by 3 days) that I've worked there. Yick. Well I get a raise soon, that's exciting. I've spent my summer so far doing summer classes, working, cleaning and redoing my room, and going to the pool with Jack and Mom. I bought a cookbook yesterday. The kind that you put your own recipes into. I'm copying the recipes my family makes that I love so that I can have them when I go to college, and eventually when I live on my own. I can't wait for the first time that I pull out my cookbook to start cooking. Patrick can't either lol.
Today we had Tornado sirens going off and they woke me up so we all had to rush to the basement. It lasted about 30 minutes, than we all got to go do whatever because the warnings were all over.
Ok. now that I'm done with this awkward entry... I'll go do more homework. bye
Patrick and I are still together. Happier than ever. I'm going to Chicago in 18 days to see him. I'll spend 6 days there before I have to come back home. It's going to be amazing. Tomorrow is 7 months together. Feels like so much longer and yet no time at all.
I'm still at Lowe's. It's been over a year (by 3 days) that I've worked there. Yick. Well I get a raise soon, that's exciting. I've spent my summer so far doing summer classes, working, cleaning and redoing my room, and going to the pool with Jack and Mom. I bought a cookbook yesterday. The kind that you put your own recipes into. I'm copying the recipes my family makes that I love so that I can have them when I go to college, and eventually when I live on my own. I can't wait for the first time that I pull out my cookbook to start cooking. Patrick can't either lol.
Today we had Tornado sirens going off and they woke me up so we all had to rush to the basement. It lasted about 30 minutes, than we all got to go do whatever because the warnings were all over.
Ok. now that I'm done with this awkward entry... I'll go do more homework. bye
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
growl
i hate my room mate. this is a pointless blog post except that i need to vent.
-she spends little to no time in the room. not actually a problem except that she wont let me change anything about the room. people tell me i should just do it, but its still technically her room
-when she IS in the room, she's so ridiculously annoying. wont leave me alone, pokes me, uses these baby voices that are moronic and plays the radio LOUDLY with obnoxious music
-she doesn't go to her classes than complains about how hard her classes are
-talks about her sex life in detail that i do NOT want to know
-keeps me up til painfully late at night when she decides to stay in the room the one night every few weeks
ok kind of done venting
-she spends little to no time in the room. not actually a problem except that she wont let me change anything about the room. people tell me i should just do it, but its still technically her room
-when she IS in the room, she's so ridiculously annoying. wont leave me alone, pokes me, uses these baby voices that are moronic and plays the radio LOUDLY with obnoxious music
-she doesn't go to her classes than complains about how hard her classes are
-talks about her sex life in detail that i do NOT want to know
-keeps me up til painfully late at night when she decides to stay in the room the one night every few weeks
ok kind of done venting
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
fair?
im glad so many people find me to be someone they can talk to and one to go to for advice, entertainment, or a shoulder to lean on. But i feel like for many people that as soon as i need that in return, they are either not there or they try to be supportive in ways that arent helpful at all. but people want me to change so they can get along better with me and refuse to accept they are any part of the problem, or they come to me multiple times a day wanting hours long chats and i cant give it anymore. but i feel horrible telling them these things so i try to compromise and multitask so im not up til 4am doing homework. but than im not an attentive friend and im not answering fast enough. i feel selfish, but i have enough going on in MY life right now, that i cannot deal with everyone else's problems. i can be there for a few people, but not everyone i know. i can be there for you, but not for half my day everyday. and if i listen and help you so much, is it possible that you could do the same for me? now this doesnt apply to everyone, just the ones who seem to believe im a therapist and one to take out their stresses on.
does that seem fair?
does that seem fair?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
its been a bit
I wanted to be posting more, but I have had so much going on lately that it’s been hard to find the energy and motivation to write.
I’m involved in another play. I work with props this time around. The job is pretty simple but it gets complicated when I have to be doing 4 things at once and a 30 minute job needs to be done in 10 minutes. When props go missing or break or need to be changed, or an actor put it down somewhere and doesn’t remember where… these are all things I deal with everyday now. During the show, I sit backstage and switch props out as needed. Before and after I pull them out and put them away. It means that I don’t have a life for 10 days. No weekend twice in a row, which I’m used to because I work all weekend usually than do homework after. Most college students see the weekend as a time to hang out, party, sleep all day, shop, play video games, etc. My weekends are filled with long work shifts, lots of homework time, meeting with my family and talking about school. I hang out with friends, but usually not for very long. So the losing my weekend is not so bad. It’s the sitting for hours and being quiet that gets me. For some reason it’s exhausting. Then again, I sit and have to be attentive and listening for cues and can never really relax. But I love knowing that I help make the show a success so it’s all good.
My classes are going well. I’m taking 4 theatre classes and one sociology class. I have all As and Bs as far as I can tell, but I haven’t gotten graded assignments back in a few of the classes. I got the best grade I have ever received on a theatre history exam the other day and so I am pretty happy about it. I have been working my butt off in school so it’s nice to see it all paying off.
Well, my spring break is coming up. It happens to be the week after my old college’s spring break, and so I was going to go there for a few days. But that didn’t pan out. So my spring break plans are to sit in my house, work what shifts I get, and possibly visit my grandfather. The part that really sucks is that my birthday is over spring break. And everyone is either going on vacation or not from the area so they are going home. Last year people forgot my birthday and I was still healing from a surgery 3 days earlier so I couldn’t do anything.
I’m involved in another play. I work with props this time around. The job is pretty simple but it gets complicated when I have to be doing 4 things at once and a 30 minute job needs to be done in 10 minutes. When props go missing or break or need to be changed, or an actor put it down somewhere and doesn’t remember where… these are all things I deal with everyday now. During the show, I sit backstage and switch props out as needed. Before and after I pull them out and put them away. It means that I don’t have a life for 10 days. No weekend twice in a row, which I’m used to because I work all weekend usually than do homework after. Most college students see the weekend as a time to hang out, party, sleep all day, shop, play video games, etc. My weekends are filled with long work shifts, lots of homework time, meeting with my family and talking about school. I hang out with friends, but usually not for very long. So the losing my weekend is not so bad. It’s the sitting for hours and being quiet that gets me. For some reason it’s exhausting. Then again, I sit and have to be attentive and listening for cues and can never really relax. But I love knowing that I help make the show a success so it’s all good.
My classes are going well. I’m taking 4 theatre classes and one sociology class. I have all As and Bs as far as I can tell, but I haven’t gotten graded assignments back in a few of the classes. I got the best grade I have ever received on a theatre history exam the other day and so I am pretty happy about it. I have been working my butt off in school so it’s nice to see it all paying off.
Well, my spring break is coming up. It happens to be the week after my old college’s spring break, and so I was going to go there for a few days. But that didn’t pan out. So my spring break plans are to sit in my house, work what shifts I get, and possibly visit my grandfather. The part that really sucks is that my birthday is over spring break. And everyone is either going on vacation or not from the area so they are going home. Last year people forgot my birthday and I was still healing from a surgery 3 days earlier so I couldn’t do anything.
Friday, February 26, 2010
project partner
I really really dislike working in groups, especially when the partner is a freshman music major. She has "no time" even though I see her hanging out all over campus during the day. We have had this project for a month and I'm so very close to sending the professor an email explaining that I have done all the work.
The assignment is to do a video essay about a topic of our choosing. We all went through and discussed topics we'd be interested in and as people found similar topics they partnered up. My partner and I were the last 2 left and she wasn't interested in my topic (how society views breaking "the norm" as age applies. basically how if a 19 year old breaks the social norms its seen as kind of normal but if a 42 year old does its seen as rude). Her topic was gender roles which was interesting to me so I didn't mind using her topic. We had to narrow it down and it took 2 weeks to get her to agree to any sort of narrowing down of topic so we could create questions for interviews. Another week to arrange the questions and get the camera.
Well out of the 13 interviews we have, 8 of them are mine. She didn't even stick to the questions we wrote out. instead of asking "What are your views on gender roles" and "what is a gender role", she asks "what is feminine? what is masculine?" They are similar and feminine and masculine are part of a gender role but they are NOT the same thing! on top of that, the camera moves so much it makes you sea sick to watch and they person being interviewed is barely in the view of the camera! even though i offered her the camera stand. she biases them in every way possible by using terms like "genderfuck" and "screwed up". im not sure how much we can use from her interviews because they arent anything near what we agreed upon.
now, finally, on a friday we were supposed to meet to do edits and add music so this can all be done monday (hopefully) or wednesday (due). i find out that the cord she was supposed to get wednesday.... she still doesnt have. its a 5 minute process to get. so 10 min before my class i run to the lab to get the cord before it closes than run to class and plug the camera into the firewire, only to find out its for a Mac. I have a Dell. so i now cant use the cable. its 2pm on a friday. i get out of class at 3 and wont have time to get the cable and everything onto my computer in time to turn in the cable by the time the offices close (we cant keep them over the weekend).
I take responsibility for the fact that we should have started this earlier and I should have been harder on her about picking a topic and getting it done. i should have asked the professor if i could do this alone. I should have talked to the girl earlier about getting this done early. but i got all my interviews done in 6 hours. all the equipment is taken out in my name because she refused to go get it. and now she wont do editing because she "isn't good with technology". i really want to tell her to fuck off.
The assignment is to do a video essay about a topic of our choosing. We all went through and discussed topics we'd be interested in and as people found similar topics they partnered up. My partner and I were the last 2 left and she wasn't interested in my topic (how society views breaking "the norm" as age applies. basically how if a 19 year old breaks the social norms its seen as kind of normal but if a 42 year old does its seen as rude). Her topic was gender roles which was interesting to me so I didn't mind using her topic. We had to narrow it down and it took 2 weeks to get her to agree to any sort of narrowing down of topic so we could create questions for interviews. Another week to arrange the questions and get the camera.
Well out of the 13 interviews we have, 8 of them are mine. She didn't even stick to the questions we wrote out. instead of asking "What are your views on gender roles" and "what is a gender role", she asks "what is feminine? what is masculine?" They are similar and feminine and masculine are part of a gender role but they are NOT the same thing! on top of that, the camera moves so much it makes you sea sick to watch and they person being interviewed is barely in the view of the camera! even though i offered her the camera stand. she biases them in every way possible by using terms like "genderfuck" and "screwed up". im not sure how much we can use from her interviews because they arent anything near what we agreed upon.
now, finally, on a friday we were supposed to meet to do edits and add music so this can all be done monday (hopefully) or wednesday (due). i find out that the cord she was supposed to get wednesday.... she still doesnt have. its a 5 minute process to get. so 10 min before my class i run to the lab to get the cord before it closes than run to class and plug the camera into the firewire, only to find out its for a Mac. I have a Dell. so i now cant use the cable. its 2pm on a friday. i get out of class at 3 and wont have time to get the cable and everything onto my computer in time to turn in the cable by the time the offices close (we cant keep them over the weekend).
I take responsibility for the fact that we should have started this earlier and I should have been harder on her about picking a topic and getting it done. i should have asked the professor if i could do this alone. I should have talked to the girl earlier about getting this done early. but i got all my interviews done in 6 hours. all the equipment is taken out in my name because she refused to go get it. and now she wont do editing because she "isn't good with technology". i really want to tell her to fuck off.
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